Tag Archives: single girls

that stripper pole

Sometimes after a wild night out you can wake up feeling awesome, on top of the world, and HOT. You think back to the many drinks you consumed and how you didn’t throw up once, or maybe how you danced all night in those six inch heels while holding onto that stripper pole, like a boss. Maybe you remember all the hot guys that just wanted to be near you and you brushed them off. Some mornings indeed are like this, but there is a very efficient way to spoil this “last night was awesome” high, and that my friends is new engagement posts.

In the blink of an eye you just went from awesome out all night party girl to what am I doing with my life girl. Suddenly that stripper pole you danced on seems slutty and desperate and the dress you wore a sad appeal for attention.

It’s especially terrible when the person posting about their engagement is younger than you.Why? I don’t know it just is. Her pictures that morning are of her and her new fiance in a field of flowers, their faces practically breaking in half from smiling so hard. Suddenly you’re saddened by your own Facebook pictures that are simultaneously showing up below the ever so in love couple. They are of you sweaty on a dance floor, dancing with girls several years younger and men you have never met before. So in comparison your life just appears sad where as theirs is glorious.

You have two options as this point: 1. decide that you are not ever again going to get on Facebook the morning after a good night out, someone is probably going to have a baby next and trust me the newborn’s photos are definitely going to look angelic above the picture of you grinding on the bartender. 2. go look up current statistics on divorce rates and think of all the fights you’re missing over who is in charge of the remote. Marriage is hard, lets remember that.

So in short my dears,enjoy that freedom and hold on tight to that stripper pole.

at least im trying….

is my theme for the events of this weekend. It is Sunday night and although I ultimately failed this weekend, at least attempts were made!

Apparently “making eyes” at male acquaintances across the backyard at your coworkers barbeque is not the way to get them to come over and talk to you. I suppose glances in their direction are also not welcome and probably amount to the same as the “making eyes” which in my dealings gets you more ignored than anything else. In my mind I saw the attention I was giving this male acquaintance, as well as the alcohol we had consumed, a sure fire way to go home having given someone my phone number. I suppose he left the barbeque in somewhat of a haste due to most of us having no knowledge of his departure. Did I look at him three different times or was it four? Hopefully his dog was just sick instead himself, from being stared at across a barbeque pit by one of the two single females present.

How sad you must think, but wait.

After the barbeque I met up with my brother and his friend for drinks. As my brother and I caught up the friend inserted himself into conversation every once in a great while but seemed perfectly amiable and nice. Upon asking him questions and talking to him more he appeared slightly unsocialable which I took to be shyness. Aww, how sweet. However his shyness quickly disappeared upon the three of us arriving at my apartment, in which he talked candidly and animatedly with my darling and much younger roommate until her and I scuttled off to bed. I believe, though may have blocked out, a possible pity hug the next morning as him and my brother took back for home.

The real kicker was about three hours ago. A boy I have seen around downtown happened to be online at the same time I was and I took this opportunity to chat with him. Did I say “Hello” or “how are you?” not quite. I actually made up some story about how I thought I had seen him a couple of nights back in my apartment complex and if that had been him. When he didn’t respond back for quite awhile I panicked and said something else. Finally he responded and eventually asked how I was. What followed was a horrible one sided conversation that I may erase from my facebook forever. I went onto ask him questions and received very short answers in return. This went on for awhile until I realized that he had not asked me a thing besides the initial how are you, and had gone on to give me the bare minimum of conversation possible.
So called sentences such as “yeah it’s good”, “it was”, and “definitely” were used and unfortunately I realized it a little too late to be able to play it cool. It seemed quite the opposite actually. Finally upon his last sentence that read, and I’m not kidding you, “it’s fun and all that stuff” I said nothing. And neither did he.

I stayed online for another hour, pretending that I was not staring at the screen and waiting for him to come up with something else to talk about.

Now for those of you out there that this may appear sad and pathetic to believe me that you’re right. It so is! But you have to laugh at it a little bit. When I went back read the whole facebook conversation I even had to say to myself dang girl, come on. Why did you keep writing?
I mean he answered a question with this: “Definitely.” I mean really, wake up and smell the stale keyboard girl, he ain’t typin.