Was how the most cringe worthy text of life ended, from a boy I hooked up with the night before.
Hooked up being a loose term, performed a shitty hand job is probably closer to the truth.
I’m going to confess something to the internet as a whole that I know I have no ability to justify, no rational to provide,
I asked this boy out for beers and in the beginning of the date he tells me his parents are dead, 3 beers later he tells me actually his dad is not.
I. STILL. TEXTED. HIM. THE. NEXT. DAY.
Like I stated, I have no excuse. My only possible pardon is that I’ve had a crush on him for years and I was blinded by my vision, my conquest if you will.
I know, still.
Why though? For what purpose does this serve? Sympathy sex? I’m out having beer number four with you and it’s pushing 1am, aren’t the odds already in your favor?
Ugh anyways the OTHER main problem with this guy is that he comes in this shy-nerd-oblivious-awkward-nice guy packaging but is in truth a fuckboi and a pretty shameless one at that.
After blowing me off after our “hookup” a month ago after saying “You’re welcome” in response to my text thanking him for the beers and telling him I wanted to hang out again (stupidly), he now texts me “hey is this you?” I respond briefly and wearily and suddenly it dawns on me, HE HAS NEVER USED MY NAME.
Not once. Not one time. Oh my god.
So I poke a little bit, do you really know who this is? Who is it then?
He scooped around the poison I was laying out, “I figured it was you,” “of course I know who this is.”
Sadly it was THIS that caused me to officially never respond to him again. Like put it down on the books I am outright ashamed that I went anywhere near this guys dick.
My lack of response could not deter him though, the last thing he texted me was:
Insert *I am screaming* here.
He is alluding to when I did in fact drunkenly send him some compromising pictures of myself and is obviously wanting me to send more now, but a month too late and without a name, no siree.
Also, when I actually did send him those photos many moons ago, it was actually one of the most degrading experiences of my adult life.
Has anyone ever sent someone nudes and the other person said basically in so little terms that you’re doing it wrong?
Before then, I had never sent someone a picture of that nature who wasn’t immediately grateful and or elated.
These are great please send more! – is the overall theme of responses.
Anyways the point of all this is not that I’ve lost all common sense but actually how I bought into the nerd shy guy narrative to such an extent that I was actually still pursuing this person.
Here are some examples of the Shy Nerd Guy elements experienced:
- nervous side hug
- tries to impress you with last time he went drinking, clear that he doesn’t drink a lot
- doesn’t know how to ask you to go to the next bar
- looks down a lot
- very excited about school but doesn’t want to bore you
- waits until almost end of night to touch your knee after a lot of beer
- fumbles around trying to ask if you want to “hang out” after the bar. Is so unclear and mumbly you have to intervene and help spell it out for him.
Now here are some of the Fuckboi ones:
- responds 6 hours later to your asking them to get beer with you with a “maybe i’ll stop by”
- doesn’t ask a thing about you
- talks about concerns about his new school
- complains about the beer
- keeps saying over and over that he doesn’t want to seem uppity or showoffy when people ask what school he goes to. (Good fucking god it’s just a UC get over yourself)
- absolutely refuses the idea that he could be drunk
- says they can’t have you hang out at their place, but is your car here?
- replacing your hand that’s around their waist to their back instead
- masturbates in front of you awhile because your hand job wasn’t up to par
Awkwardness and intellect don’t equate human decency or kindness to women essentially.
Can anyone else believe how many asshats I’ve gotten involved with in this past year alone? It’s a little startling. Luckily, kind of, I’ve had some health stuff come up this past month which has kind of taken me out of the running for dating and hookups for a bit. I’m actually grateful. Even reading this now I don’t know how I was chasing someone THAT awful, Christ.
Well I do hope for some of you out there that this is a helpful word of caution, and do watch out for your local nerds, that sweater vest could be borrowed from a roommate!