Tag Archives: boring

“nice guys”

Lets just talk about this whole notion of “nice guys” and “nice guys finish last.”
I wanna get this nonsense out on the table.

There are probably nice guys out there who DO have personalities and are great people and legitimately get put on the back burner by girls for no reason, but I’m going to share with you that that is by no means the norm.

The quote on quote “nice guy” is usually about as interesting as a place mat and we don’t even feel guilty about dumping him.

We sit there and try, mentally try to feel bad for dumping him but it’s too hard to think about him when you’re thinking about the Chinese food you want to pick up on the way home.

We dump them because it’s too easy.

They desire to match our every need and in consequence no conflicts exist except for god damn, do you have any sort of life?

After you dump one of these “nice guys” you fail to remember it for the remainder of your day. A friend will text and say, “How’d it go?” you’ll think, “How did what go- oh that!”

How do you miss someone with no personality? It’s like missing a shirt, a scone, a rock.

What you wind up missing the next day or later on that week are the back massages and having someone to talk to for hours on end about where your career is going, without interruption. You miss having someone who would skip a family birthday party to pick you up from a hair appointment.

It is a guaranteed fact that it is harder to break up with our douche bag boyfriends, then it is to break up with you “nice guys.” Even though those ex-boyfriends were dicks, they had personality! They had opinions (even if they were dumb ones) they had passion (even though it was about fantasy baseball) they had weaknesses and strengths and individual preferences and goals.

Let me tell you it is a struggle to daydream about someone who lacks a personality. I probably have more thought processes about purchasing new doorknobs in my home. Should I get a rustic trim with brass? Should it match my banister? Would plain white chic go with more things? A girl can get lost in this.

Now it appears that I’m doing a lot of unnecessary bashing on you guys but I’m being purposeful and honest because I believe no matter your age, you have the opportunity to change.

If you characterize yourself as one of those “nice guys” that gets walked on, there is still time for you to develop a passion for something and do a little self discovery.

Don’t put your pursuits aside for a bitch! Own what you think and who you are. Also, try not to be so petrified of being a dick, we expect it at least every once in awhile.

If you’re afraid of any and all confrontation, realize that relationships with zero conflict are zero interesting. If you fail to speak up about things that you hate doing she will just find out when you passive aggressively start hinting that everything she loves in this world is stupid.

Maybe someone told you nice guys when you were growing up, to lay down your life for a woman. Maybe that’s really sweet and I just fail to see past how unhealthy that appears, but how about maybe get to know her first? Before you decide so readily that you’re going to spend your whole existence in pursuit of fulfilling her every desire?

If you’re going to be that guy in the relationship who stoops down in the parking lot to tie a girls shoelaces, make sure it’s the right girl? Perhaps a serious girlfriend and not a girl who you’ve been on a 45 minute lunch date with.

Just remember that those dick boyfriends of ours that we go back to after we dump you, we go back because there is someone to miss! Give us someone to miss.

I wouldn’t plan it, but if i had to plan it, I wouldn’t plan it the way it was planned

So I was sufficiently bored and undercaffinated at a bridal shower yesterday afternoon, and how I managed to not fall asleep on that barely decorated table was by making a mind-list (yes I’m calling it that) of most of the things that irritated me about this shower.

1. Hottest day of my fucking life
2. Super random assortment of snacks
3. For god sakes invite more then ten people, awkward silences up the ying yang
4. Small tables and folding chairs in the middle of a crowded living room
5. No booze
6. Asked maid of honor if there was coffee, she had apparently already gone to dutch bros, so she was good (bitch).
7. Soft christian music playing in the background that they probably play at my grandmothers, grandmothers church. I would take country over this.
8. The best story anyone had to tell was the time the bride-to-be got drunk, while playing Wii. For reals folks.
9. The maid of honor made like she knew EVERYTHING. Which she might, I don’t know, but lets pretend like some of life is still a mystery.
10. Again, no booze
11. Ok and I can’t believe I’m saying this but is there any kind of theme going on? Could something match the other?

The fact that I sat there and thought I could plan a bridal shower better than someone else is actually kind of absurd. Me being asked to throw a shower, or volunteering myself to throw one are both completely unrealistic scenarios.

Now I know, who cares right? So what if the shower was lame? I’m not even intensely close with the bride-to-be and I’m certainly not gal pals with the girl who threw the damn thing, so who cares about the way in which it sucked?

Well that damn list has been bugging me, and picturing the little beads resting on the tissuey table cloth, surrounding those vases with that little heart thing, on those tables in that cramped little living room is bugging me.

Maybe I’m just a bitch who was expecting to be entertained and wanted there to be booze and people dancing on tables and lots of talking and hilarious stories and you know, fun and color! Which I know, I know it’s the bridal shower not the bachlorette, I get it I get it but still.

I feel that I should mention that I was out at an awesome club the night before this shower. I danced for hours, saw two single ex-coworkers make out, triumphantly assisted in getting two other single friends to dance together all night, danced briefly with a guy that is known to be a little strange who actually had some good moves and I spent a fourth of the night peeling the room for him. Sometimes girls like a little crazy?

Perhaps this wild night of nonstop dancing and juicy drama is what made it hard to sit politely in my little folding chair in someones living room the next day. A christian radio station for people in their seventies softly playing in the background, as I drank lemonade and ate crackers. What bothers me also is that the very few women there, were girls! Most of them my age, with the exception of one mom and one baby, that’s it!

There could have been loud music, fun games, definitely more sex jokes and all around dirtyness, wild stories, food that is bad for you but also delicious, and booze. Can’t forget booze.

Yes, I am aware, this is not MY day and not my shower so my opinion on this is null and void, but that’s why I have a blog right? So I can proclaim my inappropriate feelings of anger, over this bridal shower not catered to MY needs and individual preferences.

The games that we played weren’t actually that bad. They got us up and moving, which I was grateful for because I was barely trying to control the volume of my yawns anymore. The toilet paper game- I was one of the chosen to be wrapped-was hilarious because they just barely had that toilet paper cover my ass, and I instantly became the whore among the other fully covered toilet paper brides. It was probably my favorite moment of the whole afternoon and the picture of it, that was posted on facebook, made it feel like my decision to attend the shower was worth the serious struggle to stay awake for most of it.

Honestly people, were not sixty YET. Put on some Katy Perry, buy some wine, and get some crazy decorations. How many times is she going to get married?

Well, were hoping for just the one time.