As one could guess, the sparkling, pasrty-ridden love of me and Cake Girl is no more, and was there, never.
Apparently each extreme measure of notice to me was all in the name of friendship, and she is actually seeing a guy right now. Excellent work, me! Gotta give a shout out to myself for knowing how to build nothing into something!
After our night out ended I imagined her going home to tell her boyfriend about the awesome friendship that has started with me, as I bang my head on my steering wheel and text everyone I know “WTF.”
Now we say hi to eachother quite as we did before, her excitedly and me as friendly as I can muster to save face and dignity. Hello! How are you?I never had any hopes beyond the honor of this slightly intense female friendship!
And as I quickly pick my spirits back up from the ground where I threw them, enter scene Tilly.
Tilly is someone you – my fellow readers, and family members I’ve coerced into putting up with this – never got to know because she came about during my No-Blogging era of two almost-ish years.
The story of me and Tilly is that we began as coworkers and friends, spending most of our time together cracking jokes and making fun of eachother. Sometimes I would worry about her when she went out on assignments and I assumed that was normal.
Then one night we had training, and as I was leaving, the speaker talking and the room quiet, I squeezed Tilly’s hand upon leaving the room to say bye and immediately felt I had been electrocuted in a supernatural way.
A weird buzzing hum of my whole body followed the “zap,” I later wrote of it in my journal as “body on fire.” Which is more truthful to the sensation. It’s like your skin is burning, singeing off of your body onto the floor, but in a good way!
That moment changed everything and I became aware of Tilly like I never had before. The physical attraction began for her then and I’ve experienced nothing like it since.
Five months later, I’m 100% infatuated with her. I can’t sleep, I ask her to hang out, she claims busyness, I selfishly drop our close friendship and we fall into niceties, we see eachother less, I think every car driving past me is hers, I try to date other people, we slowly begin to be politely friendly again after months gone by,
and then I fall for someone new, a really cool chick, and I’m STOKED. This person could really be into to me, this could really work!
Then, suddenly, like when you make the perfect cup of coffee and then accidentally knock it over, I hear through vague sentences and many metaphorical telephone lines, that Tilly is now into me.
I could have thrown a chair out a window, like I see characters ultimately frustrated by everything, do in movies. So picture me a frustrated character of a ridiculously drama fueled plot line, finally seeing a light at the end of a dark tunnel only to question if that light in the dark tunnel is really the one or not.
I was never able to go forward with the new cool chick and nothing ever led on with Tilly despite rumored statements and obscure words passed on by really hopeful people.
Which leads us to the present. It has been eight months since Tilly and I have spoken, a month or so after Cake Girl and I went out for “friend drinks” and I had just been allowing myself to get a little caught up in what I call “curiosity-feelings” for a girl who has been around for awhile. Her and I had begun talking a little more each day when Tilly texted me.
Which has now led to me and Tilly texting several times a week, sharing books, and making coffee dates, all in the name of, you guessed it, friendship.
Coincidentally during this period, a guy from Blog Posts Past who I lovingly termed MCC for Male Coworker Crush, slipped back into my work world, almost as if hearing in the wind that I needed more people in my life whom I do not have sex with.
He came in astride with new girlfriend and adorable yellow lab and a sense of happiness that is evident in everything. We connected again with ease, he caught me up on all the people he dated that were not me, and then dipped back out of my life after landing a successful job, wishing me luck of course, in all my endeavors.
To put the icing on the cake, the nail in the coffin, the lime in the coconut, the “Fin” at the end of an indie movie, The Boy Next Door returns for the first time since July to startle me with news that he is seeing someone.
I heard that Bon Jovi song go off in my head
Shot to the heart! And you’re to blame! You give looooove….
……. a perfectly valid reason to be dating someone seeing as how we are not and have never been together.
Besides that small moment of bitter song editing, surprising myself the most I am actually handling all of this really well! My thoughts for the most part stay focused on the friendships with these people now, with 75% less pining and disappointment and then avoiding!
The two reasons I correlate to my change in behavior are
1. I’m ever so mature, and less temper-tantrum like when people don’t return my intense feelings.
2. (And the more likely) I have had time spent away to let the infatuation part wear off.
I might not be great with the Boy Next Door one yet. That shit feels real fresh but I’m still going to pat myself on the back and congratulate myself on what an adult I am.
Now if you’ll excuse me, adults get to drink