28 Steps to Imaginary Romance in the Workplace

1. Pick out a straight and unattached male coworker (if you are a straight female) who is perpetually single.

2. Start out shy and slightly untrusting around your SMC (Single Male Coworker) so he has to work a little harder at getting to know you.

3. Ask for him to get you things occasionally and then thank him ever so sweetly, so he knows you have a less standoffish side.

4. Slowly began teasing him so he knows you’re clever and enjoy witty banter.

5. Banter with him a LOT.

6. Do NOT talk about the fact that you don’t have a boyfriend but do mention to a female coworker in front of your SMC that a passing male stranger is attractive. This allows jealousy to stir naturally.

7.Allow your SMC to tell you about his female crushes/random dates but do not get overly excited for him. You want to be a confidant but not a bro.

8. Do occasional thoughtful things for your SMC but then make sure to get embarrassed or shy if he brings attention to them or thanks you.

9. If your SMC takes a joke too far at your expense make sure to appear wounded and or hurt and then pretend to try to act normal. He will see through your pretending not to be hurt but he won’t see that you were pretending to be hurt to begin with. He will feel bad and want to make it up to you and this will also ensure that he knows you have a vulnerable side.

10. Get sloppy drunk at some kind of work event and plant a kiss on his cheek. This simple act that is never spoken of again will keep some hope a glow on his side that despite your attempts to keep him at a distance, you’re slowly letting your guard down.

11. Begin to laugh and smile more in his presence. He is breaking through your icy exterior!

12. Share a little more about your family and tell him when a friend hurts your feelings but continue to restrict social media so he doesn’t have unlimited access to you.

13. Implement physical touch with your SMC before and after he goes on a trip. There should already be some sexual tension by this point so make sure the contact affirms it.

14. Begin to compliment your SMC’s outfits, trendy new haircuts, and eye-wear to establish that you are noticing more things about him. Do not be concerned when these compliments aren’t reciprocated.

15. Tease him about liking a female coworker that the two of you work with until he cracks and blurts out something to the effect of “SHE is not the one I like!” and then let him text you that it’s you later on that night.

16. Continue to wait for him to crack about liking you and not the other coworker. Make sure to convince yourself that his silences are due to him being too afraid to say he likes you and not because he is getting pretty annoyed at being repeatedly teased about the other coworker over and over.

17. Begin to drunk text him occasionally. Make sure the texts are mostly stupid and sometimes unintelligible so he has no clue how to respond.

18. Over react about your SMC’s failure to respond to your drunk texts. Bring up the texts with him at work and learn that he had forgotten you had texted him. Hear all about his date with a girl he met on Tinder.

19. Desperately try to initiate more physical touch. Come up with reasons the two of you should hug like you haven’t seen him for a day and a half and or he gets something off the top shelf for you.

20. Yearn obviously for his attention even when other coworkers are present. Witness their embarrassed looks thrown in your direction, you’ve lost your mind now there is no going back.

21. Send your SMC a text and then when he answers don’t respond back. Keep up the silence until the two of you are back at work. Manage to slip into conversation that you didn’t even read his answer to your question the other day. Your nonchalance and indifference must be killing him which is why he keeps talking about this tinder date to make you jealous.

22. Spend and extra thirty minutes Christmas shopping as you try to pick out a small gift for him. Something that symbolizes everything and nothing at the same time.

23. Stalk his social media but refuse to follow him. Look for clues that he is falling in love with you.

24. Lie awake at night using verses of different Top 40 songs to depict the complexity of your relationship with your SMC. Fall back on the Heart Wants What It Wants by Selena Gomez if your SMC seemed especially un-talkative that day, or brings up having the tinder girl over to meet his parents.

25. Wear an extra short skirt to work one day, but then a more tomboy outfit the next, to show that you’re super hot but also cool. Wear the short skirt and a tomboy look on top to prove that you’re sexy but not even trying.

26. Ignore warning signs that you’ve begun to self destruct.

27. Color your hair lighter because he prefers blondes

28. Paint a watercolor picture of the two of you at work together and hang it up above your bed to look at before you go to sleep.

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