Oh, have we met?

You know how when you’re watching something happen and you aren’t sure whether you love it or hate it?

Like am I embarrassed? Perplexed? Jealous? Disturbed?

I watched this girl “hit on” my male coworker and why I put “hit on” in quotations is because she didn’t hit on him, she went after him in the only way she could.

She walks into my store in her work-out clothes, a tad sweaty but not too much. The workout clothes are cute and trendy and I would have thought she had no agenda, until she opened her mouth.

She saw my coworker and immediately acted totally surprised, key word being “acted” because it was extremely overdone. I was confused, did she know he worked here? why is she pretending?

She remembered his name but then couldn’t place where they had met. Once he told her where they had met and who was there she began to fill in specific details about that event. You couldn’t remember what state the event took place in but you remember the drink his friend purchased? You acted as if you just barely remembered his name but then you remember what he did and who he brought?

She then began to ask him every question under the sun, apart from asking him if he preferred electric toothbrushes to regular ones.

Some of her questions got too specific though, like “did you go to that school the full four years?” “do you still live with so and so?” Baby girl, you’re doin too much.

She obviously knew the answers to all her own questions but continued to delight herself with her own acting skills by being as surprised by his answers as possible. I wish I knew sign language so I could have stood a couple of feet away pretending to do something and then signed to my coworker “this girl wants your dick” so it’s clear.Good thing boys are dumb because my coworker got none of that, he just thought she talked a lot.

Her talking so much is why eventually I stopped sticking around to hear the interrogation. Her nerves were high and sometimes when nerves are high girls tend to ramble.

If you had any idea how many people show up at my store on their first dates you would take my word as fact, as pure gold.

I’ve often repressed the urge to slip the girl a note while he is in the bathroom that says “just shut the fuck up” or “calm the fuck down” both equally sensitive and sweet, to encourage the girl to take a deep breath and slow her roll.

This girl however, was not slowing down. In the sporadic moments of my coming and going she had learned that his highschool was down the street and what his career goals are for being an English major, which I suspect she knew his major already based on her level of excitement by it.

Their “talk” or her list of questions/encouragement lasted over 20 min. She mentioned something about tutoring at the university and my coworker had some kind of knowledge about whatever that meant and that’s when she offered up her number. Hallefriekingllujah can this come to a close now?

I saw the paper she wrote it on. She provided her first and last name and area code. This girl ain’t fucking around.

On her way out she threw out one more thing (seriously girl lets be done now) about possibly finding him on Facebook “or something.” For the love of God.

Good for you dear, way to be casual about that one. You have clearly already found him on there and memorized all his information but way to be nonchalant about it like you may find him or you may not, life is just a mystery.

When she left I was a little speechless. That was hard to watch and listen to, but why was it also so god damn interesting?

This girl obviously isn’t one of those girl that feel forward enough to approach a guy, tell him he is cute, ask him out and or give him her number on the spot.

So what’s the next best thing? Stalk him on every social media outlet available, put on your cutest gym clothes, happen to stroll into his place of work, ask him boat loads of questions that you have the answers to already, talk about tutoring, and provide your number.

I mean it’s a cowards way out for sure, but it’s certainly still effective.

It made me start thinking about all my planned talks or run-ins, certainly there are similarities. Asking him lots of questions, I’m obviously very nervous and pretending to be confident.

I think the difference is with me that I’m 80% more cowardly. My run-ins last 5 minutes tops and I never have the balls to give my number. Usually I’m doing it to satisfy a friend or coworker, and once I’ve ran into the guy and done my best to speak to him it’s almost like proof more than anything, so I can tell them, “There I talked to him, are you happy!?”

I think the main difference between her and I-obviously this post has led into a compare and contrast essay between me and this stranger-is that she was looking for action, for a date, wanting to start something, while I never assume that will be an outcome of me talking to a boy.

I recently read a book, that I then bought a week later, and that I will probably frame and hang over my bed and maybe even stalk the author of, and it’s called Never Have I Ever by Katie Heaney. I feel like she, Katie, gets me in a way that no one ever has and probably never will because like me, romance takes place in her head and not often in reality.

I will be completely giving over my next blog post to a complete analysis of the book and how each chapter made me feel and discussing every child memory I have that is similar to Katie’s, and I’ll also be adding in a list of every boy I’ve ever had a crush on and how they each made me feel, and for added effect I’ll cry, electronically? I’m sure you can’t wait, consider this my spoiler.

In the meantime I’m going to keep comparing myself to this “nonchalant” girl and pointing out all the ways that she is crazy and I am most certainly not. I’m still appalled at her but I do have to say a little Go Girl! He will never realize you already knew what junior high he went to because he is so thick and you’re obviously clever but could use acting lessons, give him your middle name too next time and a friends number just in case your phone falls in a lake or something!

We all look for romance in our different ways, own whatever way is yours! Do it however it works for you.

But don’t ask him questions based upon things he has tweeted about I mean come on girl lets draw the line somewhere.


2 thoughts on “Oh, have we met?

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