26

I don’t know about the way you woke up on your 26th birthday,but mine was pretty darn special. I woke up in my extremely low cut black floral tanktop, which impressed no one the night before because my roommates and I had stayed up in our livng room until 11pm to watch New Girl. Ever so wild.

I don’t know what to tell you about 26. You were all there for my last birthday, and what I mean by “there” is that you all had the great pleasure and privilege to read about me desperately drinking water out of my friends bathroom faucet and then sitting out on the curb barefoot and holding a bottle of wine, waiting for my ride #proudmoment.

It’s crazy that I’m living in that same house now a year later. I don’t have to get a ride home! And well actually I have a car now but besides the point, yay house!I can drink wine right here. This house is everything.

So I’m 26 and I’m still unsure that there is anything to say about it.

Here is what I will say about it, the last guy I kissed was at least a month and a half ago and I don’t remember it. My friend tells me he was cute though, score.

I was actually out last weekend where I saw a beeeaauuttiiffuulll boy and was too frightened to talk to him, so other friends begin to scream at him outside on the patio and then approach him at the bar and I wondered if it was possible that a 26 year old could be transported back to the 7th grade…

I mean should I write him a note?

Don’t be vocal about the beauty of a boy if your friends will act on it. No score for me, minus score…points?

So anyways after we went out we went back to a friends parents house and I swear to you I felt like an elder. I would have sold my left clavicle (because that’s a real hot commodity right now) to get out of being there. I should have been asleep in my scandalous floral tank top hours ago.

All these drunk kids, lord. Why is this girl flashing us? And talking about her best friend so much? And which one of you drove here because you both seem too drunk to be playing this terrible game of beer pong much less acting responsibly. Am I your mother now?

I will give you this one glimpse of hope, I did drunk text someone on my birthday. I drunk texted annoying coworker guy whom I have a small attraction/large hatred for, asking him several questions, more than enough question marks, a few made up words, and then told him at the end to “sleepy.” There you have it folks. 26 has not changed me. I’m still ever so young and sloppy and maybe possibly tired all the time and maybe when I blew out the candle on my birthday cake I wished for a promotion at work..but no matter! Still so wild!

Tune in next blog for when I leave my pajamas at home and go out on a wild adventure, that does not involve me falling asleep after two glasses of wine. Can’t wait!

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