hatred and sexual tension

When you don’t date, and the last time you were introduced to a single guy your age was at yardhouse and you let him have your garlic fries, you begin to forget what actual dating looks like.

That’s okay though because with enough television you begin to create your own absurd version of how people actually get together.

Two shows I keep up with are The Mindy Project and New Girl,which are both on the same cable network and are both hilarious and relevant for twenty to thirty-something unmarried women

In The Mindy Project, Mindy and her coworker Danny have fought consistently over the span of two seasons and have nothing in common. They have a friendship and work relationship that consists of fighting and advice giving about the others romantic relationships. Now of course, they are on an airplane making out and stepping off the plane with stars in their eyes and basking in love for one another.

“This is just nonsense” is what I thought and then turned to share with my roommates cat.

So the show New Girl has two main characters, Jess and Nick who are roommates who constantly fight and again have nothing in common, made out once, and were dating next thing you knew. I will not provide details about the shows finale this season because I don’t believe in spoilers.

So as I was taking a seat laughing at how ridiculous this hatred spawned into sexual romance, I sat back in my seat and said huh….

THIS IS ALL TRUE.

In every way.

I have seen this play out in my life many times before, mostly at work. I even began to think, do I have something going on like that now?

Then I remembered that I have been play-fighting with one of my male coworkers for months now. We disagree on almost everything, so we are constantly having fights and disagreements, but never in a super serious way, and mostly it’s fun.

At that party I had mentioned where I blacked out and was your ultimate skank fest, I sat on this coworkers lap and supposedly kissed him, and then apparently was devastated when he left.

Things were a little awkward for us at work the following week, but then we went full swing back into fighting with a little more vigor. To cover up what I’m still unsure I actually did do with him at that party, I decided to give even more relationship advice to him then I normally do, in regards to different girls he has been talking to on and off.

Skip to him drunk texting me from a concert two weeks ago, and me LOVING it.

Then because he had drunk texted me that one time, I’ve since drunk texted him twice, and then the next morning while eating my waffles wanted to stab my texting thumb with a fork so I could never text again, because I really wasn’t even that drunk to begin with.

Months ago I swear I had my head on straight and knew this particular coworker was the most annoying and over the top emotional idiot I had ever met, and opposite of me in every way. Months later here I am, mad that he was at a bachelor party, drinking and carrying on and NOT drunk texting me.

As you can see kids, drinking this much Newcastle increases your risk of being attracted to idiots.

My close friend proposed that this is really all about attention. Attention I have been lacking from other males, which may have something to do with how I reeeeeally acted out at that party, and then might also be playing a role into why I’m waiting impatiently for texts from this coworker.

I know that she is right and that this is attention-based to it’s core because when thinking about ACTUALLY dating my coworker, my body shuts down and forgoes the will to live.

So how do these characters on the shows actually date? Oh yes, because the script tells them to. TV warps your brain, tell your kids.

I have no current plan to terminate the hatred/ flirtatious relationship this coworker and I have, mostly because I know I’m not a character off of a show and that in real life if I dated this guy, I would kill him.

And I’m not ready for jail, I just finally got tan!

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