Drunk, Dirty, and Driving.

Lots of shame can happen in a span of one week. LOTS AND LOTS AND MORE AND LOTS.

You would have thought I had just been broken up with, or that my pet lobster (you don’t know) had just died, with my actions that took place in a span of only eight days.

Went to a club and got drrrunk. Danced with any weird creepy guy with unusual facial hair and or looking like they had just left their tennis match and or looked like they could be my father.

Come one and come all, my friends have abandoned me on the dance floor to go talk about their feelings and I will now grind with abandon on anyone who comes near enough for me to do so. This is real life folks.

Got even more drruunnkkkk and then got carried out by a young gentlemen who indeed was not single, had a girlfriend waiting for him at home, which didn’t stop me from cuddling his ass that whole car ride home. I could be drunkenly romanticizing but I do believe there was a forehead kiss given on his part and then I might or might not have sighed dreamily and snuggled my face into his neck. This is purely speculation.

Then ladies and gentlemen, I DROVE home.

Yes drove, Yes me, Yes drunk, Yes in a car, Yes I’m terrible.

I don’t do this though. I don’t almost make out with boys who have girlfriends in the backs of cars and then drive my own car home while I still don’t even know where my shoes are (why is it always shoes with me?)…..

Until the next weekend when I do all those things AGAIN.

Saturday was our big work party, started at 3pm and we drank from beginning to end. I started out sweet and got nasty real quick. I had picked out for my prey, another boy who has a girlfriend, whom I have met numerous times and she seems lovely.

This taken guy who I sexually stalked for the last two hours of the party is actually an ex-coworker who still comes to our parties (maybe not anymore) and who I used to have a thing for.

Now I had blacked out by the time that I was actually hardcore hitting on him, but I do have one memory of a coworker yelling at me for stroking his arm. They should have kicked me out right then.

The next morning I learned that I had been by far the drunkest out of anyone at the whole party but more importantly I grabbed this not-single guys dick in front of the whole party.

I had apparently been hugging him, kissing his neck, grabbing his ass, and worked up to the official grabbing of his penis, and was promptly escorted out to get a lecture, of which I do not remember, nor did it work because apparently minutes after the lecture ended I went and sat in his lap. Dedicated to being a hoe-bag is what that is.

Working on Sunday was the worst. And also realizing that I had drove home AGAIIINN!

Yes me, Yes filthy wasted drunk, Yes behind the wheel, Yes I’m surprised to be alive.

I mean, I am just the worst.

Who would want to be friends with this? And since when do I stroke the genitalia of men in front of large groups? And how come no one stops me from driving home? And since when does my blacked out brain decide it is okay to drive home? Is someone spiking my drinks with idiocy or do I just get dumber with the passing days?

Yikes. Just everything, yikes.

I hate this girl, so why am I being this girl? When did the drunk me get so gross? I don’t know if I want to analyze my behavior and then serve it up with a psychological thought process I possess, but a part of me is wondering if all this came about after my recent decision to not expect to date?

Did I subconsciously throw my morals to the wind in pursuit of some ass?

Or am I just getting really, really drunk.

That last one, I like that one. The drunk thing…


One thought on “Drunk, Dirty, and Driving.

  1. storieswekeep

    I have been that girl and it feels really, really shitty. Keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes. Hopefully you will learn from them and never repeat them again! Good luck.


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