quick high five to all of you moms out there

Being unemployed since June now, my life has begun to mirror that of a stay at home mom.

Which is honest to God hilarious because I swore up and down even in high school that that would never be me. I was a career woman and nothing else.

Now before even the age of 25, I’m one hundred percent house-mom and just have to say, damn moms REALLY do it all.

Before my parents went on vacation I was just in charge of keeping the house clean and doing errands. Once that vacation started I was fully in charge of all four animals because trying to get my 21 year old brother to be anything besides a selfish slob only leads to disappointment.

Let me tell you these animals eat early. Like I’m talking six in the morning. Also they eat things they shouldn’t – cut to me chasing our puppy around and around the pool while she mockingly holds a half full container or raspberry yogurt in her mouth.

Also, animals destroy everything so you’re constantly having to watch them. Also they bark at nothing in particular at seven am and you’re forced to go outside and get them so you don’t have hate mail waiting for you on the doorstep.

I realize this is a slightly different post then my usual “I was at a bar…” or “I acted so dumb in front of this guy….” and while I’m still doing all of that at night (shoutout to the cuuuutie I danced with friday night. He got my number? Check. Have we of course not talked ever since? Check.) and during the day (I mumbled the most incoherent “have a good day” to the boy who works at the gym) the weekdays are filled with chore after chore.

In domestic life, if a particular day is your gym day or is a day where a friend of yours wants to go out for lunch, everything becomes just a tad more stressful because after the feeding of the animals, your own feeding, the gym, and then straight to lunch now all of your chores have been pushed back to the afternoon.

So this means the sweeping and swiffering of the kitchen, emptying and unloading the dishwasher, cleaning counter tops and tables, picking up toys and putting away miscellaneous laundry the animals got to, emptying the litter box, getting animals more outside and inside water, and then perhaps having an errand like picking up my dads dry cleaning or going to the store for more cat food or milk, is all supposed to be done by dinnertime.

here is the kicker, all of this to do and THERE AREN’T EVEN ANY KIDS.

Sure our animals may act like kids sometimes but I’m in no way obligated to help our cats with homework or pick up our dogs from school and then take them to soccer practice. Our dogs and cats get the same meal twice a day and they do not complain about it, ask me to make them something else, or throw it at me. I can only imagine how much more I would have to do if there were kids involved and my pulse races a bit just thinking about it.

Moms, I do not know how you do it.

The worst part of all is that the stuff that a mom wants to do, whether it be watching her favorite tv show or window shopping at the mall or a sport, only adds more things to the days agenda. Talking to a friend on the phone in the middle of chore time is rewarding for the catching up with the friend but bothersome in the sense that the phone is falling further from your ear as you try to hold the dustpan and broom simultaneously.

Being asked to lunch with one of your girlfriends is always fun but then something else gets sacrificed whether its less time at the gym or putting off the trip to the grocery store until later that afternoon.

How my mom was able to get her teaching credentials while my brother and I were small I have no idea. And how she was able to get her masters when all three of us kids were teens and preteens and probably even messier then we were as toddlers is even more shocking.

Meanwhile I can barely sweep and talk on the phone at the same time.

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