well my best friend is now engaged and pregnant, and I’ve been thinking of becoming a bartender.
I suppose it’s not enough to come stumbling home from a bar, I now have the desire to help others stumble home as well. If that’s not selfless I don’t know what is.
Now back to the engagement, don’t worry, I was the appropriate amount of excited when the now fiance of my best friend asked for advice for the proposal and I portrayed another appropriate amount of excitement when days before said proposal, my best friend called to say she was pregnant. And the night of the proposal when seeing the pictures of him kneeling down I displayed large quantities of excitement through text (three million exclamation marks after each word, I should get a best friend of the year medal thank you very much) and what not..
So I’ve heard somewhere that single people, when single for too long, become selfish. They become focused on their own needs because they are not with anyone, and do not have to care for someone else’s feelings on a significant level.
Well I would have to agree because even as I’m sitting here describing the engagement and the starting of a family of my best friend for over a decade, all I can really think about is how cool I would look bartending.
I mean like I would rock that shit.
I would come up with new drinks, I’d be super speedy, I’d dress the part. Should I be like a rough and tumble rocker lookin chick or a sexy lady with some heels and a low cut shirt? I would take shots with my fellow bartenders and maybe I’d let some hot guys buy me a few as well? I wouldn’t even mind the late hours one bit. Like what am I even going to do that night anyways? Beg my married friends to come out past ten pm to have one beer with me? They’ll probably all be pregnant soon anyways and feel that they cant even walk into bars anymore unless it’s at a Chili’s or Applebees. Might as well dress up, go make drinks as well as consume them, stay out late, and get paid for it. Hellllllz to the yeah.
What was I originally blogging about? Oh right, we were talking about my best friends up coming marriage and birth of her first child. Yes so the wedding well we don’t know when that will take place due to the pregnancy and I do not know what to say about the baby because I’ve never seen it. The only bond existing between this fetus and I is the picture taken of the birth control sign for YOU ARE PREGO on the pee stick.
I think what the sign on the pee stick should really say is “you can’t drink for nine months” though that does seem a little harsh. Speaking of drinking, wouldn’t I be an awesome bartender?