in case you’re wondering, no I’m not hungover.

because mixing is bad so I don’t do it.

Well last night I didn’t, but in reality I do it all the time. Shot of tequila after I just finished my vodka cranberry? Sure what’s the harm! Oh so much harm. Last night however I stuck to crown royal and ginger ale which is a truly charming concoction that goes down smooth and was recommended to me by a cop. Why being a cop has anything to do with good or bad drink recommending I’m not sure but for whatever reason I’ve decided it must be relevant to the hangover I’ve cleverly/accidentally dodged.

So anyways four bars later and I’ve had at least four of these Royales (see what I did there) and I’m not drunk. Buzzed? Barely. I was so sober in fact that I recall every second of my painful walk to the parking garage as my new pair of Steve Madden’s declared war, took up arms, and hit my feet with everything they had. I vividly remember praying earnestly for a distracted individual to almost run me over with their car, feel terrible, and then ever so compassionately and guilt ridden drive me straight to my apartment complex.

When I arose feeling curious as to my lack of being hungover that is when it all hit me. No not the hangover, but the answer. How did I avoid waking up and feeling like shit? Well because I didn’t do shit the night before. I safely sipped on my smooth tasting beverages, took no shots, and did not stray from the path of my Royale.

So there you have it. If you desire to skip that whole waking up with the urge to vomit, and avoid the headache that sets up camp right above your eyes then be prepared to skip crazy, spontaneous, and well timed pain avoiding blackouts.

It’s not so bad though. There’s always tonight.

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